All,
Hard to believe that this is the last racing and training weekend of the nine-week season at Craigleith. Let's make it a good one!
SCHEDULE
Club championships are as follows: Bib pickup in South lodge loft beginning at 0800 Saturday. GS on Big John starting at 1000, with inspection at 0910 to 0940. SL on Big John starting at 1300, with inspection at 1210 to 1240. One run of each. I believe there are awards for each race and for the combined time. They will be presented at 6:30 pm in the Base lodge, before the dinner on Saturday evening. Aside: Carrie and Greg Grinter would be grateful to hear from anyone having an extra dinner ticket.
We will be training on Sunday, starting at 0930. Dual SL (cross-blocking) on Birches. We will have a morning session as usual and an afternoon session beginning around 1 pm. I have not been able to determine the origin of the comment in the Club's e-mail to the effect that Saturday people should come on Sunday morning and Sunday people should come on Sunday afternoon. Based on the experience of past years, we should be able to accommodate all those interested on Sunday morning and there will be lots of room, perhaps leading to an early wind up, on Sunday afternoon.
GDHL / INTERCLUB
The Interclub team and individual results from last Saturday are attached. As previously announced in great detail, biiiig win for Craigleith! Jeff Sutherland and Bebe Zoricic apparently both move up a category next year, so the 50-54 juggernaut will have room for a few more skiers, while those of us remaining in the 55-59 group will try to stay in their slipstream and push them to the heights.
Members of Craigleith's 2013 Druxy's Masters Series (Interclub) Team following the Finals
I have received unofficial and untested results of the GDHL from someone who has apparently devoted a fair bit of time to trying to replicate Mark's scoresheet. Here are a few predictions:
- Very tight for first place in the individual standings, but in some ways a return to a golden era.
- A lot of guys got chick’d once, almost as many at least twice.
- Consistency doesn’t pay in the middle classes.
- A newcomer beat his ranking by 52, but was it enough to put his team in the cash?
- Neck and neck for supremacy in one family.
- Three veterans rose from 90’s seeds to 60’s or above.
- Craig bids to come between our favourite rivals.
SELF IMPROVEMENT / LIVE IN HOPE
Here are links to the video taken by Sarunas over the last couple of weekends. The first is from the blue course in the dual SL on Venture. The second is GS last Sunday on Birches.
Here are a couple of contributions forwarded by Rob Cassels. The first is video of Ted Ligety practicing GS in Sochi. One run is shot from behind and the second from a helmet cam.
The second is the text of an interview with a US ski team coach, who talks about a number of technical and tactical things that we’ve discussed.
FASHION NEWS
Here is a picture of Carrie on Sunday wearing Spyder’s Radiant jacket in Tsunami with Pout pants. Not shown is Saturday’s outfit, the Posh jacket in Pout with real fur trim and white pants. I understand that Sarunas is Mr. Carrie in more ways than one. He apparently gets the benefit of the men’s samples in the Spyder showroom. Sadly, there is no pictorial record of this available to me, nor of his bachelor party outfit at Men’s Day.
DIVERSIONS
Top 10 Things to do at the Mall
10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.
6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
4. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof".
3. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
1. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."
***
Selected re-runs follow below. See you on the hill! Drive carefully getting there.
JWM
RE-RUNS
If you are not on the distribution list for the GDHL email or want to change your address, use this link.
Manual describing the use of the ChronoSplit watches. In short, you need to press the "mode" button in the center of the watch, then press the split/lap button at the top left until the screen displays "auto split". If you use the same process to reach the "auto split rec" screen, you can use the top right button to scroll through all of your times. You also need to make sure that you’re set for team 4.
Video of Johan Clarey, fastest ever speed in downhill.
Video of Bode Miller skiing the fence at Kitzbuehel
Video library on FIS site
Video of backwards skiing GS recovery
Slow motion video of Ted Ligety skiing GS
Sarunas’s video of training sessions: earliest; second; third;
Article about starting
Article about assessing performance improvements over time
Video for "the front fell off"
Video for racist ski trails
Article about training techniques
Video of “Sh*t Ski Racers Say”
Ditto re cyclists
Video of Ted Ligety skiing slalom
GROUP THERAPY.. - A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions", he observed. To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating, hence you named your daughter Candy". He turned to the second mother. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny". He turns to the third mum. "Your obsession is alcohol. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have named your child Brandy". At this point, the fourth mother gets up, grabs her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on Dick, we're leaving!"
HOW TO START A FIGHT - I took my wife to a disco on the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor giving it large; breakdancing, moonwalking, backflips, jiving, the works. My Wife turned to me and said, " See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." I said, "Looks like he's still celebrating!!" And then the fight started ...
HOW TO START A FIGHT – My wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said "Thanks" and returned to the stove. Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked "What was that all about?" She explained "The egg timer is broken." And then the fight started …
HOW TO START A FIGHT – Having read that variety is the spice of life, so to speak, I ventured to ask my wife “Shall we try swapping positions tonight?” She replied “That's a good idea - you stand by the stove and sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart.” And then the fight started …
A man was seated next to a boy in an airplane. The man turned to him and said "Let's talk." The boy replied "Okay, what do you want to talk about?" Thinking he would have a bit of fun, the man said "How about nuclear power?" The boy countered "That's a very interesting topic. But let me ask you a question. Horses, cows and deer all eat grass, but deer excrete pellets, cows produce flat pies and horses have big clumps of manure. Why is that?" Puzzled, the man said "I don't know, what does it matter?" To which the boy replied "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear issues when you clearly don't know sh*t?"
A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”
She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”
“If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?” “We use it for sex,” she said.
The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?”
The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”
HOW TO START A FIGHT – Someone’s wife (to be clear, not mine!) sat down next to him as he was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" He said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
HOW TO START A FIGHT - Someone else’s wife was lamenting her difficulty in maintaining the recommended body mass index. Her husband said “I’ve noticed that married women are usually heavier than single women. Why is that?” She replied “Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.” And then the fight started...
HOW TO START A FIGHT – Thinking that the budget was looking a little stretched, a man said to his wife “What have you been doing with all the grocery money I give you?” She replied, “That’s pretty easy to demonstrate. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!” And then the fight started…
HOW TO GET DISCIPLINED BY YOUR PROFESSIONAL SELF-GOVERNING ORGANIZATION - My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk: cinnamon, indubitably, innovative, preliminary, proliferation
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk: British constitution, loquacious trans-substantiate, passive-aggressive disorder, speciality
Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk: "Thanks, but I don't want to have sex." "Nope, no more alcohol for me." "Oh, I just couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing." "You are quite right, I can't jump over that table."
I was standing in a bar yesterday when a little guy came in. He stood next to me and started drinking a beer, so I asked him, "Do you know any martial arts, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?" He answered "No, why did you ask me that? Is it because I'm Chinese?" "No!" I said, "That’s my beer you’re drinking, and I’m assessing my options."
GREGLEETH CHRONICLES
Fictional characters include:
Calcutta Syndicate 4 – an ill-defined group of speculators, annoyed at having missed out on the Tony Rubes bonanza last season, now wondering whether they can buy Ted Morgan’s team in the secondary market. Organized by a non-racing Bay Street type, who got interested in the Calcutta while temporarily out of the market as a result of a settlement with the Securities Commission. Organizer is sometimes irked at the lack of bidding discipline shown by other syndicate members.
Lance Forman – age 50, ranked 48, really annoyed that the “Committee” changed the rules about starting order. Chronic over-achiever, took up racing four years ago and is dismayed that success has not come as quickly as in crew and cycling. Consoled by the knowledge that if he can’t win at SL, GS and SG, he can still kill the b*st*rds at shopping. Syndicate owns his team and hopes that he will repeat last year’s strategy of collecting team mates’ equipment for tuning and high fluoro waxing every week.
Chelsea Lablonde – age 24, ranked 108. Started skiing and racing last year when she joined Gregleeth in the “special friend” category of membership. Appealed to the Committee about the starting order after getting bib 102 last year, although there has been some unseemly gossip about the details of her appeal. Unfortunately separated from her special friend just after his parents paid for her badge this year, and is anxiously seeking a new friend, in fear that the Board will find her qualifying friendship is no longer sufficiently special. Syndicate anxiously checking rules for end of season adjustments for DNS’s.
Dewey Olds – age 63, ranked 9. Has Club championship medals from six decades. Lives in cabin on edge of Club property that was built by his father. He sold the property to Lance, but remains in residence while Lance completes his land assembly for proposed monster chalet. Used the last piece of eaves trough on the cabin last spring when he couldn’t find his shin guards for SL. Syndicate has always made money on Dewey and confident he has one more good year in him.
SIDE SLIPPING is an unavoidable part of training gates, but there are a number of different techniques that can be employed, depending on the objective. Most basic is “slipping the line,” which is relevant before training if there is a small amount of unevenness or loose snow on the course and between runs to try to smooth out small ruts and chatter marks. This involves skiing the racing line in a high speed snow plow, and may be supplemented by special effort to knock down small berms or ruts in the area of the gates. If there is a bit more loose snow, you may be asked to “slip wide.” This is often done in pairs and involves slipping on either side of the racing line, only pushing loose snow farther to the side you’re slipping. For example, if you are slipping wide right, you will be plowing with your right ski, you will ski wide of the left turn gates, pushing snow outside them, ski low towards the next right turn gate pushing snow downhill as you approach the gate and then ski high from that gate to the next left turn gate, pushing snow uphill until you start down the fall-line wide of the next gate. Last Sunday, we were able to clear 10 cm. or so of fresh snow from our SL course fairly quickly by having teams snow plow straight down through the course in a V formation, with all snow being pushed by successive team members out either side. If there is more snow or a wider GS course, it may not be possible to sweep the course entirely. In that case, it may be best to set a high track and then have people simply push snow straight down from the top of the track to a level approximately even with the next gate, then release it there and start again at the top of the track when it starts again below the gate. Finally, after training on days like we had last weekend, when large ruts develop, our goal is to fill in the ruts. This involves snow plowing outside the berms and pushing them back into the ruts. Again, it is likely best to only slip one side of the course when doing this.